However, this time it is referring to exactly how it sounds. You see, if you look back at my last post, my only goal for 2016 was to be happier and healthier than I was in 2015. And I blew it. #failure
When the city of Paris was attacked, it was a horrific act of terrorism and I had realized out of all my travels, I've never been....and now wanted to go. It was supposed to a great trip in the making: Natalie, Kristin, Wendy & Darin and Becky & Garth. We all travel well together and were going to stay in Nice for a week, possibly attend the Grand Prix and then spend the final weekend in Paris.#travelfriends
I'll be honest, I was overwhelmed with work, my dad's health, their recent trip to Chicago and a few other things so it wasn't until the last few days before the trip that I really started to get excited. I still had a lot to do, but had a late flight on Friday. And since I LOVE to procrastinate, I knew everything would get done.
About 4am on Friday morning, I woke up with what I thought was heartburn. Yes, I had some wine and salmon the evening before, but nothing a few Tums couldn't take care of. I switched the laundry was going to lay back down until 7. However, I couldn't catch my breath. My heart felt like it was going to beat right out of my body. Around 7, I texted my #lifecoaches and listened to them. I drove myself to the emergency room at Bethesda West. I was scared, which is something I don't admit to. After being admitted, an EKG and some blood work, I decided it was best to call my mom. My first words were "Don't freak out" and then the doctor came in so I had to call her back. Oops. Sorry Mom.
They ruled out a heart attack right away but suggested I stay overnight for observation. Reluctantly, I agreed. I was given a Nitro patch which gave me a massive headache and I couldn't keep anything down. Finally, around 5pm, they removed it. A cardiologist came in and said I did not have a heart attack and he wanted to do a stress test. If that was clear, then they would look to other reasons why I had this anxiety/panic attack.
As I spent the next 24 hours in the hospital, I honestly thought my trip would just be a day or two off and that I would meet up with the group in Nice, just 48 hours behind them. I even talked to my cardiologist and he gave me permission to travel. The stress test could wait until I came back. Yippppeee!!! I'm going to France!! But as it turns out, American Airlines had a different plan for me. When I explained what had happened (I even had a doctor's note!) they said all I would have to do is pay the difference and they would waive all the fees....how nice! And then it happened. The fare difference was over $3,000, no matter how many ways I tried it. I was not going to France.
Traveling and exploring is my thing. I'm 38, single and don't have kids. I cannot describe the feeling, but since Tariq has passed, this activity has filled a void in my life. There is something about being someplace new that just gives me this sense of how big the world really is, and how little of it I have seen.
And because I didn't take care of myself, I was missing out.
I could have used miles and hastily met up with them in Paris, but I decided to use this time to focus on me, get the stress test done and just relax. Sure, I say that I'm relaxed but I really don't know how to. I always need to be doing something, taking care of someone or focusing on what hasn't happened. Thank you for that, Yousuf! I feel guilty if I am not "on" and this entire week, I wasn't "on"....well, except for that stress test (which I passed with flying colors)!
This week I did or didn't do things for myself, that I would have put off because of work or other priorities that seemed important at the time. But they all shift and there needs to be a balance. Yes, sometimes work needs to be a priority and sometimes your family does. But so do I. I need to make myself a priority. And not feel the least bit guilty about it. So yes, I did #fail at my one goal but here's the best part.....the year is only halfway over. I still have another 6+ months to become healthier and happier in 2016. #secondchance
And that is what I learned during my #staycation.
The highlights of my #staycation.....Lilly & Louis on Palm Beach, Paris Cafe and a little #liquidgold to round out the week at home.
